It has been radio silence around these parts lately. Sorry about that.
The thing is, the adventure isn’t over. We had a nice little interlude, but with the New Year came a whole host of new bits to tackle. Or embrace. We should embrace, yes? Not tackle.
I am working on messaging and tone–let’s try less violent tackling and more loving embraces, shall we?
For those who don’t know Brian and I very well, our origin story goes a little something like this. I was a broke-ass kid nearing the big 3-0. I’d recently moved back to my home town to work on a graduate degree and be close to my family while my father underwent treatment for Stage IV colon cancer. I worked part time at the local big box bookstore, where I met this chortling bespectacled manager. All my well meaning friends and most of the voices in my head told me this was a really bad time to be in a relationship. We moved in together four months later.
I’d been married before and had zero. Zero. ZERO interest in repeating the experience. Brian gently and firmly said “Well, I want to be married someday. I’m not in a hurry, but it’s important to me.” I growled and grumbled about it and then five months later we were married (and I did the asking, BTW).
The point is, we knew we wanted to be together, even if we had no idea how that was going to look. We’ve spent the last six or so years deciding how we want it to look, and then working towards creating just that. I’m pretty sure we have like sixty more before we really master it.
When we were first married, he worked full time and I was finishing my master’s degree. I used to say that if I could just crawl into his pocket and be with him all the time, I’d be perfectly happy. For two people who really like alone time, we do pretty well together. This is hard to articulate–but the best I can explain is that I feel a part of him with me wherever I go, and vice versa. When we are not together, there is a little piece that travels. To say we are inseparable would not be far from the truth.
We know how to unwind one another when the tension is high. We know how to reconnect when the rope has frayed. I know when to ignore him when he snaps at me, and when it’s worth the throw down.
This traveling adventure has meant we are ACTUALLY inseparable a lot of the time. I worried (because thats how I spend a large percentage of my time, worrying) that maybe we’d have too much time together. What if we ruined it? What if ACTUALLY being inseparable, AND without any of our other friends and family to retreat to became a problem? Or, worse (so, so SO much worse) what if we ran out of things to talk about?
Suffice it to say, this did not happen.
And so, we journeyed around the country. And now we’re home.
So, Chapter 2 involves Brian getting a job that requires 8+ weeks of training in another state, and then 2nd and 3rd shift work. So, when I’m awake, he’s asleep. When I’m going to bed, he’s going to work.
At first, this made me sad, really, really sad. I’m independent, I’m savvy…but what am I going to do without my partner in crime, my other half? Like, all the time? Who am I going to talk to? Who is going to unwind me when I get too wound up?
And then, I started thinking about my work–my thesis, that looming doorstop of a novel that I’m creating. And my other writing, these little side projects and the teaching that I keep thinking about doing but just need the time and space to dive into. And the things I writing residencies and grants I get excited about, the ways to get involved in my new town as a writer.
As I grow farther and farther away from my life in the 9-5 world, I keep finding more writing, more projects, more ideas to fill my time. Eight weeks of deep dive into the writing sounds delicious. Working for hours on end, punctuated with dog walks and yoga and a beer out every now and then, it sounds like the world I pined for a year ago (just a year? How can that be?).
Brian is looking out ahead with clear eyes and a open mind, too. He is anxious to get started in a new world where his organized problem solving skills will be put to use, and then to come home for long days off and paint and draw and create because he has more time than before.
And so, we turn the page. Next chapter. This one is akin to each of us taking a swan dive off the dock, a nice long swim to meet on the other shore.